Welcome to the very first "shit list" review on this site. This list is reserved to the very worst movies I have ever laid eyes on. I don't just mean bad, I mean absolute abominations that should never be viewed by a sane audience. I enjoy certain schlocky films, but the films that make it here have very little to no enjoyable qualities. Now I start off this list with the famed "Necromania"...
Now I've seen both Orgy of the Dead (future review pending) and Plan 9 From Outer Space (future review pending), both which had been worked on by B-movie icon, Ed Wood (future honoring pending), and both being over an hours length, but I was not prepared for this horrid piece of crap. This film was presumed lost in the annals of history, but unfortunately Something Weird videos decided to grace us with this 40 minute find (I would like to state that I refuse to watch the full cut which was located not more than 8 years ago if memory serves).
Plot? What plot? This is all you need to know about this film; it is a sexploitation film directed by Ed Wood it is 40 minutes too long and came close to making me never want to have sex ever again. I want it know that on my first viewing I did not finish this movie despite that it is only 40 minutes. Still want to see it? Let me fix that for you.
The first thing that will strike you about this film is its awful film grain which has only half the color spectrum and lines from beginning to end. Once you get through that, the next thing you will notice is the awful acting, and I mean awful. This acting is bad enough to kill any career on the spot (and hopefully it did). Just listening to the delivery of some of those lines make me want to slam my head against a wall until everything goes dark. The utter lack of direction these people had is blatantly obvious as they stumble through lines like they were five.
Now, as I mentioned, I couldn't tell you exactly what the plot is, maybe its because its just the 40 minute cut. For the most part the movie gives the impression that the plot is suppose to just come in every once in a while to see if you are okay before disappearing into the hills. As far as I know, the plot is about this couple having trouble in their sex life, they travel to this creepy bordello type establishment and some creepy shit happens. That is about as much as I know, because it falls apart from there as Ed Wood seems to try and just stuff a bunch of macabre imagery to try and create that horror feel.
Ed Wood claims he had two of the best cameraman in Holly Wood working in this film, but that doesn't mean much since it was in the same essay that claims that the movie didn't insult your intelligence. The cinematography is very poor and doesn't do anything to save them film what-so-ever.
Lastly, the sex, the one part people would think would still be entertaining. Surprise, Ed Wood can ruin that too. You'd swear that these people were blind. I'm almost insult to have to consider it a sexploitation for the mere fact that it was some of the worst stuff I've ever seen. If you want to watch a guy lick someone's stomach for ten minutes, that is fine with me, but I'd rather not. I'm not joking, they just go around licking legs and stomachs in the dumbest ways I've ever seen. Not even an attempt to fake the idea that there is sex. It is just so bad, it is the only funny thing about the film.
Score 0 out of 5
The Shit List's first victim...